Ambien. No doubt about it.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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