I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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