She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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