So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize