I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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