I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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