Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize