let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
