And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
