tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
