kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
