I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
