Dual....:-)
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Randomize
