hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
Randomize
