We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
oh god the rape fog is back!
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
you traded sex for a burrito?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
