Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
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