I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
