that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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