Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
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