I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
