just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
