In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Randomize