If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
It's no shave November. This is our time.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
