Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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