A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
