Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
