I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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