just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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