IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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