Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
