The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
