I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
