True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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