sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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