I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
