Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
