Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Randomize
