I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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