forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Randomize
