And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
Randomize
