Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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