he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
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