Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
