I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
