My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
