I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
