You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Moan for me like Helen Keller
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
