I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
