worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
