i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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