absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
