I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
