drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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