Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize