I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
