Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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