After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
porn star boner night. come get it.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
