and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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