when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Randomize
