It's like a parade of train wrecks.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
