There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
