he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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