so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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