I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
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