I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
