VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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