Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
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