he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
